Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
