mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
