I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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