Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
