Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
