Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
