And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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