i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
