Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
