i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
