Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
