You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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