If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
