i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Randomize
