I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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