I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
