I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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