You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
