I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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