what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
