So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
