Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
