the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
