I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
