Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
