i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
