so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
