I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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