if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
