He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
