I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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