You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
