Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
