C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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