Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
