Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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