There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
