Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
