she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
