can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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