I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
