Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
