I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
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Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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