i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Randomize
