He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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