I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
