you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
