the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
