There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
