would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
