um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
