I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
