yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
