no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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