isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
