Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
