Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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