If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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