are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
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I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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