Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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