I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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