I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
