Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i love accidental penises.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
YAS. BRING CRAB.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
