Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
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She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
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There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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