You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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