i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
